Latest Update 26 Dec 2024
Latest Update 26 Dec 2024
INTRODUCTION
What I am presenting is a direct experience with a Sufi Shaykh. I met Hadrat Shahidullah Faridi in 1976 and became his disciple (murid). I am now 81 (2024) and I can say that my journey, my perception, my views on what a Sufi Shaykh is and what a Murid should be have undergone constant change.
Today, Sufism, notably Tariqahs (Sufi Orders) have become commercialised and an exploited tool to serve economic and political and self-interest. There are countless imposters wearing the Prophet's cloak. Its quite a "circus show". Most murids, do not know what the role of a Sufi Shaykh is. They also do not know what it means to be a murid.
EARLY BEGINNINGS
I have always been inclined towards contemplating God. Even as a Christian before converting to Islam in 1960, I used to turn to just God. I had a great teacher in the village where I lived as a convert. He was a simple person, referred to as "Pak Lebai" in Kampung Hj. Abdullah Hukum, Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur. By profession, he was a watchman at the National Electrical City Board (LLN) along Jalan Bangsar. His name was Hj. Abdul Rahman and I am deeply indebted to him. Had he not indoctrinated me in Tawheed, I do not think I would have survived being a convert to Islam.
As his student, I spent two years studying nothing but Tawheed! Other students were studying Fiqh, Tasawwuf and other Traditional sciences. Through the good offices of PERKIM SELANGOR, my wife and I had the opportunity to go for Hajj under Saudi sponsorship in the year 1975.
Pak Lebai indoctrinated me the belief that during Hajj (Pilgrimage to Makkah), I should not leave the Masjidal Haram after Solatul- Fajr (the early morning prayer) until the sun had risen. He said that if I did so, the Prophet Khidir or some Wali (Friend of God) would turn up. If I observed this without fail, I would get the opportunity to meet him, and on doing so could ask him for anything and it would be granted.
Performing Hajj then took forty days. Today, people just fly in and out within a week and they claim to be hajees! If performed tawaf (circumbulation of the Ka'bah) in 1975, you did so on a sandy pebbled surface and ended up with blisters on your feet. Today, it is all marbled.
AN EXCEPTIONAL EXPERIENCE
I spent 10 days obediently following Pak Lebai instructions. Every day, I would go up to the first floor after Fajr prayer to seek a place so that I could view the Ka'bah. I did not know how to recite the Qur'an and only a book in English on the Companions of the Prophet, which I used to read daily.
After 10 days of devout following, I came to the conclusion that it was not going to happened. The day I abandoned it, it took place. It happened out of the blue. There was a very strong gust of wind, like the flapping of wings, descending from the sky and the very next moment there was a person seated in front of me. I forgot everything my teacher had taught me. I became terrified. Was this Satan or a Jinn?
The person seated in front of me wore a beige jubah. He had rosy cheeks. His eyes were not ordinary eyes. They shone with light (nur). On hold his hand in the traditional Islamic greeting, I found it to be softer than the softest sponge I ever held.
I believe he spent not less than 20 minutes with me. I was speechless and all the while he just kept smiling at me. I was so terrified that I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. In my heart, I kept seeking God's forgiveness continually.
I really did not know what to do, so I took out a handful of coins from my shirt pocket and gave it to him. He did not budge and just kept smiling and smiling. After, what appeared to eternity, he got up and began to walk away. He kept look over his shoulder at me smiling. There was a sudden change in his appearance. He now walked like a cripple. His left arm was crooked. I watched him walk away from me to disappear behind two pillars away from me.
I gathered my wits and got up and took a diagonally path so that I could see whether he was still there behind the pillar. There was no one present. I looked around me. There was no one present at the time except for a single mosque cleaner.
On returning home to Malaysia, I informed Pak Lebai of what had taken place and he replied that I was unfortunate. It was the divine will of God. To this date I do not know who that person was. It did not strike my mind to ask Shahidullah Faridi about it when I became his murid in 1976.
MEETING SHAHIDULLAH FARIDI
When I first came into the presence of Shahidullah Faridi, in 1976, in Karachi, Pakistan, the first thing he asked me was whether I knew anything about Tasawwuf. I replied that what I knew came from books. I then asked to become his murid to which he replied that I should attend his classes and later he would decide to accept me or not.
He then made mention of the three requests I had continually made during Hajj. He said that the first two have been granted and I was now fulfilling the the third. I wondered how did he come to know all this because I did not recall mentioning it to anyone on my arrival in Pakistan.
My supplications during Hajj were: The first, to quit being a printer. I realised that I was not made out for that kind of job. I wanted to be an Islamic preacher working at the state religious department (JAIS). The second request dealt with going abroad to study Islam, to become a qualified scholar of Islam, and the third, to achieve spiritual success.
A week later, he accepted me as his murid. I went through an initiation process referred to in Sufi circles as "taking the pledge" or "bai'at". On returning home that night, while asleep, I went through a series of convulsions. My whole body went through a series of jerks and realignments. On meeting Shahidullah the following week, I asked him about it. He smiled. (He had a great smile. I remember it to this very day). He said, "Even God has a use for old machines."
I started out as a Maududi follower but on become Shahidullah's murid underwent a total transformation.
MY SHAYKH WAS "JALAL"
Hadrat Shahidullah was a man of "Jalal" (Majesty). Every time, I turned up for Halaqah Zikr (weekly zikr sessions led by Hadrat, i noticed nobody talked. Everyone turning up sat in the hall of his rented house without uttering a word, and whenever he came down from his room on the first floor, everyone automatically stood up. He used to signal them to sit down but everyone just stood there until he sat down.
His presence dominated those present. Even when I met him or attend his class on Wednesdays for murids from Jamiyah Aleemiyah where I studied, I would often come with a lot of questions in my mind but never get to express them because in the course of his discussions, they would be answered by him during his talk.
I usually ended up admiring him. His hair and beard would seemed to change colour. It would sometimes look blond and at other times look silver. On one occasion at Pakpattan during the Urus of Baba Farid (Farīduddīn Ganjshakar), a Saint of the Chisti Sufi Order, I approached Hadrat to speak to him. Before I could start, he said, "I am not God, unless you tell me what is wrong I will not be able to help you." I just stood there helpless and speechless.
However, I have witnessed occasions when senior murids from his inner circle, seek immediate answers to their pressing problems. I recall one person doing so. His name was Anees (I hope I spelt his name right). He wore thick lenses which made his eyes look small from the outside. Apparently, he was facing a business crisis and wanted advice. He was quite imposing. I noticed Hadrat's complexion change colour. He closed his eyes in contemplation and the lights in the hall immediately started to blink. Even the ceiling fan began to stop and then restart again. There was a lapse in time for around ten minutes before Hadrat opened his eyes and then told the Anees what to do. There were beads of sweat on his forehead and his complexion from dark pink returned back to normal. It was a sight to behold.
I used to attend Wednesday sessions for murids from Jamiyah Aleemiyah at Hadrat's home. I used to take the bus from Block B, North Nazimabad where Jamiyah Aleemiyah was located to Saddar, the city centre. I would then go through the bazaar to admire the women there having bangles fitted onto their hands. On one occasion, on turning up Hadrat said, "Do not waste your time in the bazaar!" I never did that again.
Suleiman Peterson of Cape Town, was my senior at Aleemiyah Jamiyah. He was also a senior murid of Hadrat. He was an imposing person and being what I am by nature, I could not put up with him. During that era, Bhutto was about to be hanged. I was not a fan of Bhutto, neither was I interest in the politics of Pakistan, however, Suleiman used the name of Hadrat to enforce his point of view. I refused and went about seeking an appointment with Hadrat to raise it up.
I was granted a visit and on turning up, I mentioned what Suleiman had said. I said that "you had said that...." By God, I swear to you, I did not realise the impact my behaviour would have. Hadrat's face immediately turned red! The lights blinked furiously and the fan even stopped for a minute or two. I felt so small in his presence. I wondered over what had I done. Immediately, within a space of minutes, Hadrat returned to his normal self. He turned to me and said, "Acha (well.. O I see): Don't waste your time with this. You came to study Islam. I will pray to God that you and Suleiman get closer..." I was then invited to dinner by Hadrat. I had hoped that Hadrat to have a word with Suleiman about the subject but instead Hadrat said he would pray that we both got closer. Z. Bhutto was hanged on 4 April, 1979.
MIRACLES
I usually return home just before Ramadhan because Jamiyah Aleemiyah takes a break from studies. On one such occasion, Hadrat said to me, "In the event you face turbulence during your flight back home, put your forefinger in your mouth and then write: La ila-ha-il-lallah Muhammadar-Rasulullah on the porthole of the plane."
As it so happened, my flight back on an Aeroflot was really bad. I am terrified of flying and the slightest turbulence freaks me out. The plane was full of Malaysians studying in Britain. They were boisterous but when the plane started losing height due to air pockets and turbulence, there was total silence. My feet were trembling. It was then that I remembered what Hadrat had said. I wrote the kalima on the window pane and the plane immediately stabilised. The weather outside remained the same but the plane continued on its journey without any disturbance.
On returning back to Pakistan after Eidul Fitr, I visited Hadrat. He said, "Mokhtar do not always write those words when in flight... do you know why?" "No Hadrat," I replied. Hadrat said, "The farmers below depend on the rain to water their crops and your action prevents them from doing so. Only do so in really bad situations." "Yes, Hadrat," I replied. It still works for me to this day. It may not do for you because you did not receive it.
On another occasion, I was extremely worried because I had not received any news from home. On meeting Hadrat, I mentioned it to him. He meditated for a while the usual way he does, and after a few minutes said, "Acha, you will receive something in a few days time." I did receive a packet from home two days later. It contained a tape recording. The information on it covered news for a month! My wife had decided to use a cassette to record information concerning the family and other matters related to me.
ADVICE
Hadrat was to me an exceptional Shaykh. He was strict and firm. Hadrat used to say: "Never to be in haste to become a murid of a Shaykh. Attend his sessions and make the following observations:
1. Has there been any changes in the murids from the time they joined to now? If there are none, it means that the Shaykh does not have the capacity or he may be a Shaykh for himself only. To be a Shaykh of impact, he must possess 'kashf' (unveiling).
Hadrat, was not only "jalal" (majestic), but he also possessed "kashf". Earlier on, I made mention of him telling me not to waste my time in the bazaar. How could he know that if he was not blessed by God with the "unveiling" of the truth?
2. I am of the view that if you attend university, it is to acquire a degree, otherwise you are wasting your time! Becoming a murid of a Shaykh is just that. However, if a Shaykh is not a Shaykh in a true sense of the word, you are indeed wasting your time, and that is why Hadrat made mention of the importance of observing the Shaykh and his murids.
3. I once ask Shaykh Sayyid Afeefuddin al-Jailani, descendant of Shaykh Abdul Qadir Jilani (Rahimullah), whether he had 'kashf'. He replied that he was a scholar of "Ilm". He told me to go and look for a Shaykh with kashf. I did mention to him that my Shaykh was Shahidullah but that he had returned to God. Sayyid Afeefuddin used to live in Kuala Lumpur but now lives in Melbourne, Australia. This incident took place while we were traveling his car at night, on our way to visit Syed Ali of Batu Pahat, Johore, Malaysia.
4. Hadrat said that Shaykhs come in many flavours, just like the four season. Some are serious, others jovial. Seeking a Shaykh in accordance with your nature is important. If you are a jovial type of person, having a serious Shaykh will not augur well for you.
I am what I am, probably due to may nature (fitrah) and the way I have been moulded by my Shaykh. This is true. I have often expressed my displeasure over some Shaykhs and this is due to comparisons made between my Shaykh and other Shaykhs. A good friend on mine pointed this out and I am now aware of it and more tolerant.
SHAYKHSHIP
Many people do not know what the role of a Shaykh is, neither are they aware of what it means to become a murid. The advice provided by Hadrat is good because you do not want to become a murid of "intellectual donkey" and "imposter" who does not possess "kashf" (unveiling).
Of course in a certain context it is quite alright as a beginner going through the learning process, but the disaster here is that when you take "bi'at", you have literally signed yourself off to a Shaykh for a lifetime! That is how it is viewed in Tariqahs. However, I am of the view that this is flexible.
Then there is the issue of successorship. To possess this notion that Shaykhships are only confined to "Sayyids" is ridiculous! These are spiritual appointments handed down by God - they are not inherited!
In the case of my Tariqah (Chistiyah Sabriyah), there was no successor but an appointee mentioned in Hadrat's will, stating that Capt. Sirajuddin Ali would lead the Halaqa Zikr. He was a PIA pilot, a very soft-spoken man with honour, dignity and calmness. He loved me a lot. I met a murid of his many years later and he told me that Hadrat Sirajuddin said that it took him ten years to become a Shaykh!
In later years, after the demise of Hadrat Capt. Sirajuddin Ali and on meeting Tariq Nazir, I was told by him (Tariq Nazir) that he was first offered the post of Shaykh by Hadrat but turned it down. It was then offered by to Capt. Sirajuddin Ali. After the demise of Hadrat Sirajuddin Ali, there was no appointed successor.
[I have removed what I previously wrote because it is history. It was a period of turmoil and uncertainty, unpleasant and revealing].
MY CURRENT STATUS
Prior to the turmoil of successorship, I had been granted permission by Capt. Sirajuddin Ali, Hadrat successor to make murids in Hadrat Shahidullah's name, which I do to this day. I consider my dream from Hadrat Syed Zauqi Shah as an indication of approval and appointment. However, I still make murids in my Shaykh's name. I am an unconventional shaykh, meaning that I was not officially make murids. Unfortunately, I created too many waves and those involved would prefer my absence.
HADRAT WAHID BUKSH
The biggest mistake of my life was not being loyal to Hadrat's appointee (Hadrat Sirajudin 'Ali). Instead, I went along with with Shaykh Capt. Wahid Buksh, On returning back to Malaysia, I was the defacto leader of the murids here, until I took a second wife and was usurped by a fellow-murid who now leads.
It was never my intention whatsoever to lead the Halaqah Zikr here because I knew what I was. Every time the usurper made a pitch to have Halaqah Zikr conducted, Capt. Wahid Buksh would reply in a letter, "to ask Haji Mokhtar."
Hadrat Capt. Wahid Buksh loved me a lot and he had great hopes for me. Unfortunately, it did not work out the way it should have. In one of my private meetings with him on a visit to Kuala Lumpur, I took him to task. I said, "I am not a criminal. If they do not like me because of my second marriage that is up to them, but I am not a criminal in God's sight! You should advice them. They did so because you had said that a man cannot take a second wife unless his wife is bedridden." I said, "You need to speak to the murids," but he remained silent. I then left.
The murids had accused me of not obeying the Shaykh. By the way, he was not my Shaykh. Hadrat Shahidullah Faridi was and I should have followed Hadrat Sirajuddin Ali his successor: That was my greatest mistake... it too was willed by Allah!
The issue here is "upholding" that which is not found in the Shariah of Islam. When I spoke to my Mufti at JAIS (the Selangor State Religious Department) where I worked, he quoted the Qur'anic verse: "La takrabu zinah" (Do not perform zinah). So to avoid that I got married legally with permission from the religious authorities.
Finally, I will say that Hadrat Wahid Buksh meant well. His letters to me expressed concern for my family and the effects it would have on the murids. He was concerned about the murids. However, before he departed, he sent me several letters and instructions for me to follow to achieve "perfection". I only followed them several years back. May Allah bless his soul. No one is perfect. Only God is. Every day, I cry out to God to forgive me; to forgive this wretched soul of mine; to extend his kindness, love and affection to me.
DREAMS
I have received many blessing from Hadrat Shahidullah Faridi and one from Hadrat Syed Zauqi Shah. Of the many blessings in one dream, Hadrat said it was from his Shaykh. There have been precarious situations and on invoking their names, the situation was resolved. I cannot write the details because, though they did take place, they would not conform to the Shari'ah. These are intimate secrets of a different nature, only held by the one who witnessed them.
In one dream dated 18 Dec 2022 at 3 am:
I was at a place where people gathered. Hadrat Syed Zauqi Shah (Rahimullah) turned up. He was looking out for me. I saw him as I hid in a corner. He looked young. Then he spotted me and came towards me. I went forward to embrace him. I was weeping. I was so pleased. He said that he was looking for me. He then took hold of his long shawl across his shoulders and placed it on around my shoulders. I am not sure whether it was something I desired or that he did it to me. After that he sat on a bed and I sat beside him. There was another person standing facing us. I could not make him out. Was it Hadrat Shahidullah Faridi or someone else? I believe it was Hadrat, after all he was murid of Hadrat Syed Zauqi Shah and witnessed everything.He said something about the on goings above. Hadrat Syed Zauqi said he wanted to take a rest. I assumed that he come from very far away. During this period of time, I woke up several times and went back to sleep and the dream just continued until 4.45 am, I usually wake up by then to get ready to pray my Tahjud and perform Muraqabah.
MURIDSHIP
I must admit that I am ignorant of many things as a murid. I
recall the moment in his presence before I left for home prior to
Ramadhan as was my yearly practice. On visiting him, he said, "You will miss me."
I did not understand what he meant. I thought he was going on a visit
to some place. Only when I had a dream of his grave being smaller in
size next to the Prophet's grave, and received a telegram the follow day
about his demise, did it strike me that was what he meant when he said I
would miss him!
Till to date, I remember affectionately, how I used to approach him, take hold of his hand which trembled a little, kiss it and then put my left cheek and then right cheek on it. He never withdrew his hand until I did so. However, I have seen him withdraw it immediately when others greeted him. The sound of his voice during Halaqah Zikr rings fresh in my mind. "Sirajan Munirah" on and on in praise of the Prophet (s.a.w.).
The goal of every murid should be "servantship". There should no ambition of becoming a Shaykh, nor should a murid usurp another murid to gain favour with the Shaykh with the objective of attaining position.
FELLOWSHIP
Tasawwuf or the Spirituality of Islam, transforms you from being a dogmatic, ritualistic robot into a more meaningful Muslim.
On one occasion a French Muslim turned up at Jamiyah Aleemiyah. As a Muslim, I felt obliged to help him, so I gave him some money (I myself did not have enough). He took it and then went across the street and bought ice-creams for some poor kids. It upset me and I took him to task over it. He replied, "Today is today, God will look after tomorrow." After a few days, he turned up again at the institute with a bandaged foot. I asked him what happened. He replied, "It is from God." I said, "What rubbish!"
On meeting Hadrat on my Wednesday classes at his house, I told him about what had taken place between me and the French man. Hadrat said, "Mokhtar, he is right in his own way and you in your own way." Hadrat then went on to mention the Prophet (s.a.w.) on "Tawakkul" (reliance or trusting in God). Hadrat said that there are two forms of Tawakkul. The first deals with tying your camel and then placing your trust in God over its well being. The second, like the birds, they leave their nests in the morning and return filled in the evening.
"You are right in your own way because you adopt the way of the Shari'ah, which is wise and practical. If you have a car, you need to lock it up but at the same time, you place your trust in God over its safety. He is right in his own way because like the birds, he places his total trust in God. For all you know, he may be in a better position than you in the sight of God.
Note: What I have written is testimony. It is not done out of pleasure nor intended to discredit anyone willfully. It is intended to put the record straight as I viewed it. Intentions are important and there can never be any gain in slander (fitnah). It is as it was said to me and I will say the same in the presence of God. Everyone and anyone should ponder upon it too. May God forgive me and may those involve forgive me, if they feel wronged by me. Wallahu 'Alam.
Note: The photographs of me with my Shaykh (group) and the one of Harun and Tariq Nazir belong to me.
PIRBY HARUN
I received an email last year about the demise of Hadrat Harun (my pirby). I now came to know that he was
'excommunicated' for accepting the office of Shaykhship in the Shadhilli Sufi Order. According to sources, Harun acted on spiritual guidance. I too was asked to 'leave them alone' because I raised up a question seeking verification over what a murid of Hadrat Siraj had told me concerning the appointments of both Masud Hassan and Wahid Buksh's son. I was told by Tariq Nazir and Masud Hassan that they were not obliged to answer me and that my question was inappropriate.
I sent another email to Syed Masud Hasan dated 4 June 2024 seeking his forgiveness over what has taken place between me and him as well as Tariq Nazir, but never received any reply. I consider myself absolved and will not take this matter up again.
